One-Man Woman

Ayokong maging bitter. Ang totoo niyan naiinis talaga ko. Sa kanila, sa sistema nila. Sa mga ugali nila. Oh well, kung sabagay nasabi ko na pala, kahit saan ka magpunta, kaibigan may politika at madaming politiko. pasensya na ha, masasabi mo bang hindi ako propesyonal sa mga sinasabi ko? Palagay ko hindi naman siguro. Nakakapanirang tao lang kasi talaga ang mabigyan ka ng sinensya na wala namang tamang paglilitis. Nakakasar. At nakakawalang respeto sa mga taong gumawa ng ganun sa ‘yo. Mga taong itinuring mong guro, maka Diyos at makatao.. pero kung papakinggan mo naman talaga pag nagsalita ay puro pagpupuri sa mga sarili ang lumalabas sa bibig. 

Sabi nga ni papa kanina, ‘there is something wrong with the system”. Hay nako, anu pa bang maisasagot ko, eh obvious naman. Nakakaasar lang dahil ayoko ngang maging bitter. Ayokong maging miserable ang buhay ko habang sila ang kasama ko. Ayokong sumakit ang ulo ko araw araw sa kakaisip kung ano bang gagawin ko para hindi ako ng ako ang nakikita nila. Nakakaubos na kasi ng  pasensya. Alam ko may parte ng katauhan ko na matapang ako. Matibay ako, pero hindi eh. Pag nagsalita sila tumitiklop ako. Oo alam kong may mga pagkakamali ako.. eh bakit yung mga pagkakamali nila hindi nila nakikita. Ganun na ba sila ka-blinded at ibang tao lang ang nakikita nila? 

Lumaki akong hindi sumasagot nangangatwiran sa mga magulang ko at sa kahit sinong nakakatanda sakin. Kapag pinapagalitan ako nung bata ako, tahimik lang ako dahil unti unti kong pina-process yung mga sinasabi nila sakin, Kapag nakita kong oo mali nga ako, mawawala na yung curiousity ko at maiintindihan ko kung bakit ako pinagalitan. Pero pag hindi ko talaga makita yung sense kung bakit ako napagalitan, lalo na pag napagtanto ko na napagbuntunan lang ako ng galit, gyera na yan..SA ISIP ko. 

Hindi ako yung taong nagtatanim ng sama ng loob. Hindi din ako yung taong madaling magalit, pero ngayon? Iba na eh. Madali na akong magalit. PERO hindi pa din ako nagsasalita. Alam mo yung asar-talo? Ako yun eh. Wala akong nagawa, hindi ko manlang naipagtanggol ang sarili ko. Sorry naman tao lang pero sana hiningan ako ng paliwanag. Sana paliwanag muna hindi liham. Tsssss.. Asar talaga.

DEPRESSION ! 

Recognize that God is with you and has always been with you.
Realize that He has a plan for your life.
Relinquish control of your life to God.
Replace negative thoughts with positive and truthful thoughts.
Rely on God because He is at work in your life. -> copied-pasted

God is always in control, indeed. No matter what happens to us no matter what situation we are in. All we have to do is trust Him, that everything is GONNA be fine, sooner or later.

Today is the last day of my quarantine. It has been a worth-it suspension because I was able to stay longer at home. I was able to stay with my family. More importantly, I was forced to REST, indeed. Well, I was supposed to finish my LP’s and Exam’s over the weekend but bloody hell NO. I spent time with my family, my cousins and with him. During his breaks, he would come to our house to eat lunch with us. But most of the time, he would go straight to our house immediately after his class or his official time. We would watch movies or we would just go out.

I felt bad for the reasons thrown to me. I regret writing a letter. It was like I fried myself in my own oil. And that ‘issue’ is pushing me to leave, to resign. I want to leave them and their system. I can’t think of a way anymore on how to make the system better. Yes I am guilty of being IRRESPONSIBLE, but I will  never ADMIT being INSOLENT because Inever was. I never intended to disrespect anybody in the community. I was taught to respect. So if they had misinterpret my actions, it wasn’t my fault. They should’ve approached me anyway the first time I ‘did’ it. Damn. Sorry, I can’t help it. Its just that it really is unfair. I was given with a suspension when the thing is, it isn’t just me who do those things which I did. *sigh* I hate being controlled this way. 3:| 

I told myself that if ever I would leave the institution I am in right now, I would leave with a light heart; free from grudges and leave all the hurts and take only the good memories and lessons learned. Honest to goodness, I am going to miss the students, the teaching, the trust, the faculty and the faculty members. I am still in a state of confusion whether to leave or stay. Still praying about it. 

Haaaaaayst. I just wish for those who will be able to read this section and understood what I was trying to say, Just keep it to yourselves. Oh Please. I don’t want another issue. Because this might reach them again, and before I knew it, the story is already distorted. Thanks for reading anyway. God bless.

Remarkable, indeed.

Memorable, indeed.

Happy, indeed.

Out of town with him and his family. Introduced to his relatives. Awkward, indeed.

#first time

#:)

Hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. Bagong taon, right? Ano nga ba na naman ang babaguhin ko? Wala naman. Parang yung sinabi ko noong isang taon, sinabi ko na din bago pa yung taon na yon. Haaasyt. Nakakaloka talaga. Mali ba ko na gawin yung mga bagay na gusto ko sa edad kong to? Kelangan ko pa din bang mag paalam sa mga magulang ko? Kung alam ko naman sa sarili ko na hindi ako gagawa ng bagay na ALAM KONG hindi ko kayang panindigan.

Mga issue noon, issue pa din hanggang ngayon. Akala ko pag graduate ko at pag nagkatrabaho ako, malaya na ko. Hindi pa din pala. Hindi ko pa din pala masosolo ang sarili ko. HAPPY new year diba?

Christmas’ Eve at Divi. It was not malas at all because the happiness is incomparable. :)

I really believe that everything happens for a reason and with a purpose. May it be good or bad, God allows it for His children not to suffer or just to enjoy, but to learn. Though we may decide on things agains His will, God will intervene when He sees us humbled and willing to submit. God is faithful despite our stubborn hearts. Indeed. Merry Chrismas! ♥